God. I am just so damn tired of this. This video is disturbing and awful to me. I have grown up in environments where being gay is not something that is mentioned. It is a dirty sinful thing and they will go to hell. But love the sinner hate the sin. I spent two nights on the street because of my own poor decisions, but to throw your own kids out because they are gay, that is something else. Why is this happening? You cannot use your religion as a shield for your own bigotry. These are real lives at stake and to create a new type of homelessness in the 21st century is shameful. Just watch the video because it needs to be watched. And let me know your thoughts also, for those of you who are religious I would like to see it from your point of view. Is being gay a conflict with your faith, or not and does a parent have a right to do that. Let me know. Thanks

A year and a half ago I wrote a post asking if people choose to be homeless.

I did get a bit of negative feedback, the main one being they felt I was speaking for the homeless and making it seem they were liars and not capable of making their own decisions, and it did bother me a bit but it made me think and reconsider if people do choose to be homeless.

So I started looking at it from a different angle:

Do people choose to live on the streets instead of using homeless services?

And the answer is yes….in some cases.

And the reasons can be:

Religious Requirement

A lot of homeless orgs. require you to attend religious services before they can help you or they can discriminate against you. Some people simply do not want to go through that.

Safety

Many homeless people avoid using emergency shelters for fear that they could end up in dangerous situations.

Whilst most shelters take precautions to ensure safety they are often underfunded and understaffed and  may not be trained to deal with violent conduct. And as there will be a myriad of people who might likely be violent, depressed, addicted and every other social problem you can think of, sharing a room might not seem worth it.

Pets

Having a pet might be good to keep as a companion through the loneliness but it might not be worth giving up your friend because many shelters do not allow animals.

Time

Shelters are usually open only at night, and you have to find something to do during the day.

If you show up late you could end up not having a place to say, for some its just not worth going through.

These are just a few simple examples and there are many others.

However, do people choose to be homeless?

I still say no. Because any body would choose to have a house than to live on the street, but they don’t get that choice, and that is why they are on the streets.

So, was I wrong then and wrong now or do you agree? Let me know.

To say I have a complex relationship with my mother is an understatement.

For a very long time I have felt this needed to be talked about and the reason why it has taken so long is because I keep hoping that things will get better or I will finally be able to move on.

Sadly things have gotten so bad that it may never have an end and I may never move on, and I have to write about it. Eventually, I know that as I continue to write my family will be embarrassed and shamed that their private problems will be public knowledge. It could potentially bring a lot of pain to people. However, it is me who experiences the pain of shame and the pain of suffering and in order to heal that pain, I have to be honest. I am someone who is private, secretive and withholding yet I tell you everything. I’m not sure if I am getting closure as they call it, but even if I don’t get that all I can do is put out my story and the world can choose what purpose it has; to inspire, to warn, to encourage or to make ourselves and our lives feel better, grateful that it’s not happening to you.

Over a week ago, on a Saturday, my mother called me, asking for a plaster (band-aid) explaining that she had cut herself and it wasn’t a big deal. I did not have any and the various cuts on my hand from knife mishandling in the kitchen proves that. We left it at that and I thought nothing of it and she said she bought a pack.

On Thursday I decided to go for a walk to pick up some supplies from the local shop and happened to bump into my mother, after our usual awkward hellos and avoiding of eye contact I noticed that on her face she had a large bruise and a gash just underneath her eye. I asked her why she looked as if someone had punched her and she said to me in the most ridiculous way that she had fallen over after suddenly waking up and the next thing she remembered she was on the floor and her face was bleeding. She had no memory of what had happened, I believed this was a seizure but of course this is a guess. As usual, with many things my mother put it off, ignored it and said she was fine she would be okay. I told her to go to the doctor and look after herself, she refused and insisted for some weird reason that Monday would be the day she would get better. I walked back home upset and angry that she consumed so much of my life. So much of it that I’m sabotaging the one good thing I have in my life right now which is my relationship with my boyfriend, and as I write this we just finished having a fight because of my insecurities and stress and I don’t know how long it can last for and how long he can put up with me.

When I got home I sent an email to the rest of my family describing what I saw and asking what to do. We agreed that the next day (Friday) I would take her to the local walk-in health centre and get her checked out by the doctor not only for the incident but also for the myriad of health problems from not going to a doctor for over 10 years. We all called her and begged her to go with me and I would be there with her and tell the doctor as an outside observer my thoughts, because my mother has a tendency to not reveal the truth, she agreed after a lot of pressure.

The next morning she woke me up, announcing she would not go and did not need to, then she pleaded that if we all left her alone she would go by herself on Monday, that she did not need to see a doctor.

After many screaming matches and her hanging up on me five times, I couldn’t take it any more. Mum then brought out her stalling tactic, she decided she wants to go home to Africa and would call my dad to talk about it, many times my mom has done this to confuse and to frustrate. To deflect from the real problems that bother her because in her mind she thinks we all want to get rid of her. She pleaded with me saying she was not crazy, then told me I was a bad daughter sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend and if I really cared I would come over and cook her food or stop embarrassing her because all the neighbours are laughing at her. At one point she also refuse to speak in English so that my boyfriend couldn’t understand and hear what she was saying as he was on the same size as the Devil and had possessed me.

Through many emails and conversations on the phone with the whole family we decided to allow mom to have Monday, to win again. I know she will not go, and she hasn’t.

It happens again and again she did this when she was meant to get somewhere new to live and when I told her to get a free eye test. I don’t know what is wrong with my mum, what illness she has. I spoke on the phone to a nurse on the nonemergency helpline who told me not to bother with the clinic but admit her into hospital straightaway because she is at risk.

She has been violent to me and has made threats. She is depressed and cold towards me, an example is this Christmas I bought her Christmas presents that are still under the bed today in the same bag I gave her the gifts in. She wears the same clothing regularly even though other options are available to her and she believes that Demons have been sent from satan himself to stop her from bringing about God’s plan for her life and if you were to ask her what that plan was, she has no idea but instead says she has to suffer for her family. She does not realise that her suffering is because of her own actions.

I don’t know what the future holds or if she can be helped. And most importantly I don’t know what to do.

Photos: Copyright Nadia G.

You can’t go a single day without seeing an advert asking for a donation or support for a certain charity. There is nothing wrong with that. What I hate is Poverty Porn. When I first moved to England a friend at my school was surprised when I mentioned the car my dad drove at home. She was shocked, that there were even cars in Nigeria. As I tried to educate her, I kept getting offended because she also assumed that I did not live in a house and instead a mud hut, and that I had come on a ship to England. Now, this girl may have been ignorant and racist but I couldn’t help but blame her too much because when ever people imagine Africa, they imagine this: and not this: Her whole experience and knowledge were based on shocking images that only showed one part of the story. Africa is poor in some places but it’s not the only story. I think that using images like this manipulates people, so that we have an emotional response and donate more and for someone who writes a blog I know sometimes it can be tempting to write stuff that will inflame so I get more comments , so I get it from that point of view. I’m not even sure there is a solution to it, because I see those ads every day. Am I wrong on this? Is it poverty porn? Or is it the only way to raise money? What do you think?

I have been wanting to do this for a long time, this is the first one of I hope many. The quality will get better.

Lots of Love .

P.s I’ve changed the name of the blog to : The Adventures of a Once Homeless Girl.

What do you think? Better, Worse. Meh??

By Jun Zheng

If you look at my recent posts on this blog, homeless is featured in the title.

Because for me, it is easier to call someone homeless, than destitute, houseless or a rough sleeper. It is also easier for society.

I got a comment on this post. From Busco Tung, he said:

People Experiencing Homelessness” rather than “Homeless” as a label. Homelessness doesn’t DEFINE someone, just like a bigger house doesn’t define someone like we don’t call people “Mansion livers”, “Condo livers” or “Grate livers.

 

I thought this was a really brilliant observation that we all need to be aware of.

When we label someone as homeless, we treat them apropriately to the label.

They are irresponsible, drunks, mental and addicted. When we bunch them all into a simple category we can wrap understand, ignorance and prejudice occurs. So we end up not wanting to help.

I use homeless because it is universal and easy.

What do you think, is the label homeless damaging? and if so, should we use other terms?

By Haroldo Kennedy

1. Striking Up a Conversation

I do believe that talking to someone who is homeless is not just a kind thing to do but can help tremendously. It’s amazing how somebody can be surrounded by people and be completely ignored. Last year, I had a conversation with a man down on his luck in the town centre, he asked me for some change and others on the street yelled at him and said “he’s only using it to buy alcohol!” despite that I told him that I too used to be homeless and he was shocked saying but you’re so young… I was happy to talk to him, it may have no effect on his life and may just be so I can get a fuzzy feeling but I still did it and I think it’s important to at least try. A conversation is free and priceless.

2. Giving your time and money.

I never really understood the power homeless charities, shelters and organisations had to help others. I was quite judgemental because I had personally not been able to access certain services but after looking up ad connecting on twitter with some charities the work they do is amazing. St. Mungo’s here in the U.K is a perfect example of that. They know how to help those in need, how to treat the underlying problems that lead to homelessness. So if you are somebody who is not comfortable with approaching strangers or generally do not know how to help, then the first and easiest stage is to donate your cash or your time to your local organisations.

3. Writing and bothering your elected officials.

Politicians are very short-sighted and have self interests, doesn’t matter what side of the fence they sit on and unless you tell them it will not be brought to their attention. You can write letters and emails asking what they are doing to help the homeless situation or even how it is affecting your area. Sign and start petitions. Change.org is a good place to start. Obviously some times it could go wrong with people complaining about rough sleepers in their area and anti social behaviour, which leads to reactionary policies that do nothing but make the problem worse. Writing and petitioning can have an effect and you can use the power you have to make your village, town, city or country a better place for everyone.

4. Publicising the cause

Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr are all incredible tools that gives everyone a voice, follow charities and non profits and see what they are up to and what help they need. Tell your friends on Facebook about charities and upcoming events and spread the word. You can also email local newspapers to tell them about story ideas or comment on blogs and articles that talk about the issues. This always keeps the conversation going. The #homeless hash tag on twitter is a good resource.

5. Creative Giving

If you really are shy to go by yourself get a couple of friend for support and grab some socks, toothpaste and toothbrush, winter clothing, comb, soap, antibacterial gel, toilet paper, nail clippers and some warm clothing or whatever else you can think of that will helps . Go around your local area handing them out and that could really make a difference. I think every person could find at least one thing they can do here and a free thing you could do is to be more understanding and less judgemental, then the world will already begin to be a better place. Thanks, and let me know if you are also shy and how you deal with it in regards to helping.

Over a year ago I wrote what was to become the most popular post on this blog, Should You Give a Homeless Person Money? I wrote it because I felt it needed to be said, many arguments have been made over the years and it was my way of putting a new perspective on the issue. Alas, it seems the argument will never end, I have had personal emails, lots of tweets and comments telling me I am at best misguided and at worst a fool. NOTHOMELESS said:

You’re an idiot. The people that DO give are the ones entitled to judge. Just like with people collecting welfare. I should be able to question what they do with this charity, as it’s coming from my pocket. It’s sad to see all the bleeding hearts on here who are out of touch with reality. If you don’t want to be judged, don’t ask for help. Pretty simple.

Other comments were more polite…. but I still feel people missed the point. I was not asking people to give money to homeless people, I don’t even give money to a homeless person that often, you might find that shocking or hypocritical but I never said we should. I said, we should not be some sort of moral judge because we give a few loose coins or notes. It takes a lot for someone to beg on the street and we should be more worried and more offended that a person has to beg, for their existence. Or drugs and alcohol have so ravaged them, that they have to be less than a human being and take abuse and disgust. We should be judging each other on how many homeless folks we have in our local communities, because then it shows how we have failed each other. How we’ve failed gay kids who can’t be themselves, families who have to live in motels and mental illness that goes untreated. I think this will always be a contentious issues , with lots of different opinions. What are yours?

One of the worst Christmas’ I have ever had was two years ago. I spent it in a hotel in Stevenage with my mother. On Christmas eve we went to KFC to buy a bucket for £8 to last us till boxing day, the only highlight of those 3 days was that I got to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. (it’s one of my favourite shows) My experience is nothing compared to what others have to go through at Christmas time. The music, the lights, the forced joy can be too much for some to handle. It’s hard to feel “magical” when your whole world is depressing. This year my Christmas will probably be the best one yet, yet I feel so lonely. And many not just the homeless will be alone this christmas, so when we sit down to enjoy our meals wherever we are let’s remember how lucky we have it and help others. Merry Christmas

I didn’t know gay people existed until I came to England in 2000. When I was a Christian, I was a homophobe, I didn’t just think that gays, lesbians and bisexuals would go to hell but that they could ” change” their attraction like changing shoes. They were just sinful and bad. In fact even while I was blogging about accepting the homeless and not being prejudiced, I was reading and watching materials that condemned anyone who was gay and listened to preachers who predicted San Francisco would be wiped off the map. Mark Horvarth of Invisible People wrote a story about gay homeless youths and instead of being completely outraged and disgusted, I felt sad as a normal human would but also sympathetic towards the parents who could not stand having a child that was different. I also thought that Mark was not a true Christian because he supported gay rights and that he had somehow sold out. I have completely changed my view and considered myself as an advocate and hope one day it will be a norm it would not need defending. Sadly many have not changed, cannot change their view or it is all they know. And there is a huge epidemic happening because parents and guardians, those who are meant to protect children would rather have them live on the street than accept them for who they are. Religion As a Source Most religions have homophobia interwoven into it, they like to take the moral codes and holy texts of thousands of years ago and apply it to 21st century modern life. That is why kids who are attracted to the same sex feel that something is wrong with them, that they are bad because politicians and pastors tell them that GOD hates what you’re doing or will destroy your country because of who you love. Many good religious folk support gay rights and I applaud those who speak out especially in America but those who continue to demonize people, you are losing a battle. Dealing with Homelessness So when a young homeless person has to struggle with loneliness, despair and a really difficult situation a gay homeless person has it even worse. Coming to terms with their sexuality and the withdrawal of love and support from family and friends can lead to emotional or mental health problems, such as low self-esteem and depression. They can put themselves in dangerous or exploitative situations to meet their need for acceptance and affection and they can begin to use alcohol or drugs to try to cope with or block out issues arising from being LGBT and their own homeless predicament Failures of Homeless Services The majority of homeless charities are run by churches or religious groups and though a lot choose to serve out of the kindness many still refuse to serve gay youths if they are aware of their sexuality and as many testimonies I have heard state finding a place to help you or stay has to be based on your safety and whether you will be accepted. Imagine if we were back in Jim Crow times where you could turn away or openly discriminate against someone because of their skin colour.And for those who don’t turn away because of sexuality Stonewall in the U.K says:

Lack of awareness among service providers about the sexuality of their clients can mean they are not always aware of the needs of LGB people and do not appreciate that they are in priority need for housing. This can make it difficult for LGB people to get the right help and support and can lead to increased vulnerability

How to Solve It I want to specififcally speak to Christians because I was as devout as they came, up until a year and a half ago, and I know how scary it seems to accept something when the bible tells you it is wrong, I can never make an argument to convince you but I can tell you that these are people like you, and the point of freedom is that we can’t dictate who should or shouldn’t get freedom, and if you really are walking in love you will love those who don’t walk the same path as you, to love who they want to love. Homeless Services also need to recognize sexuality as an important aspect of people’s lives. They also need to provide sexual information, education and support not just to gay youth but to all people who require it that walk through their doors. Here is an incredible video : Credit: Heather Henry Pim