This is my blog and I am free to discuss what I want, this will be my first and last post on my personal religious beliefs. Recent events have pushed me to write about this.

When I began this blog in 2008, I was a committed Christian. A charismatic/ Pentecostal believer who had a relationship with God.

I loved God. I KNEW God.

I read my bible everyday, prayed morning and evening and even through what I experienced I still believed he had a plan for me.

I believed in spooky supernatural things, that the reason I was homeless was because god had a specific plan for my family and the hardships was because the devil was trying to prevent that plan.

I started to question what I believed in around October 2009. It was my birthday and I was living in a hotel room, on one meal a day and with no purpose in life.

I asked god why is it that I have prayed to you every single day, cried out and nothing is happening. Am I doing something wrong?

When I finally found somewhere more permanent to live I realised something, I am 20 years old with no job, no qualifications, homeless and living in a hotel room with my mother.

I decided to take control of my life  and seize the opportunity because there was still a possibility I would  be homeless again.

I wanted to find out if I what  truly believed and so I started to read books I would not have touched when I was a believer. There was a book I always wanted to read , “Smile or Die” By Barbara Ehrenreich

This book has had the largest impact on my life and started off a quest for knowledge of the truth that I still hunger for today.

When I read, for the first time I did not feel guilty that I had failed.

I still believed in God at this point but I was also angry because I felt I had wasted my life, angry at god that he allowed so much to happen and how did he expect me to cope and prevent it?

I kept looking for answers and read books by Christians and Atheists alike. I researched the televangelists I had looked up to, everything I was afraid to do as a Christian, I did. I also read atheist blogs like “The Friendly Atheist” . I was too scared to do all these things because I thought they would take me away from Jesus.

At this point I wasn’t sure what I believed or what I was. I did not want to label myself.

Youtube became my university, I watched hours upon hours of videos until I stumbled upon a talk by Bart Ehrman a highly acclaimed new testament scholar. I bought his book because I wanted to learn everything about the bible from a historical perspective.

It opened my eyes, I saw the contradictions that years before I tried to argue away. I learned to read the same gospel stories side by side and notice that they could not be reconciled, I saw the bible for what it was, a book, not inerrant not infallible but a book that is both atrocious and beautiful and written by man.

That didn’t make me lose my faith though, it was suffering. I wrote about homelessness and I couldn’t understand why a loving god could allow people to be homeless.

Why does a person in America think god gave them a parking space and children around the world die of hunger?

How can there be good or a plan from cancer?

And the problem of free will, I hear people say that god does not intervene or reveal himself because he can not interfere with the free will of his creation. So when a woman is raped or someone murdered  God is more concerned with the rapist’s free will to rape than the woman’s free will to not be raped and whether he intervenes or not someone gets hurt, and he does nothing. That horrified me.

Murder, War, Terrorism can all be justified.

How could God allow all this to happen to m y mother and I?

So I started to be more open with my beliefs on twitter and other forums including this blog. Since then I have received nothing but crap.

I will say this one time and one time only to anyone who reads this:

STOP TRYING TO CONVERT ME.

I have received emails, tweets and comments telling me I did not have the right faith so what happened to me can’t be god’s fault and that soon enough I will come back to him.

I told a friend about what happened to me and her response was to invite me to her church because she knew I needed god.

I now write for the Huffington post and my first article mentioned in passing my  lack of faith, the comments were not about what I wrote: how I ended up homeless but to convince me to come back to god.

2 weeks ago the person who had been hosting my blog as a kind favour to me asked me to leave because they could not support my mission anymore and I did not glorify god.

So this is why I wanted to write this, for this to end once and for all. My life is not up for a bidding between good and evil, I am happy the way I am.

I am not against religion or believing in something, we are evolved to do so, religion will never go away.  But I do object to religious people who think it is their right to tell people they are going to hell, or prevent gay people from marrying or hating on others. You don’t get to do that. Anymore than I get to ban you or prevent you from practicing  your faith

A few weeks ago at SXSW, a marketing agency decided to use homeless individuals from the local area as wireless hotspots or “homeless hotspots” the story blew up all over the world and arguments broke out over twitter, message boards, news networks and even The Daily Show had something to say about it.

Mark Horvath also wrote something about it.

The agency that started it wanted to create a modern version of the street paper, they had biographies of the “hotspots” and ways you could donate directly through their PayPal.

I’m not going to get into an argument about whether it is right or wrong, too many column inches have been dedicated to that. I will though tell you why I think such a huge debate happened.

Homelessness and homeless people are an unspoken reality. We know they exist, we pass them everyday on the streets, we ignore them and get angry when they ask for money. In this western society we live in, ignoring homelessness is the only way we know how to deal with it. Because when you walk down the street and ignore the guy laying there on the floor, you may feel uncomfortable for a minute but soon enough it goes out of your mind. Forgotten. Something we don’t have to deal with everyday. That is how we treat the homeless.

So when BBH, came up with an idea to bring those homeless people we typically ignore, right front and centre, it made people uncomfortable. It made people angry.

Bloggers have argued that it is inhumane, it is degrading and so forth, they were angry because on the guy’s T-shirt it said I am a homeless hotspot and it didn’t say I am a person.

Those arguments are weak. I believe the anger can be broken down into two camps.

1. Those who say “go and get a job”

Many, many people including some who read this blog (thank you for your comments) believe that people become homeless because of failure in themselves. They are lazy. It’s all a matter of pulling up those bootstraps, they theorize that because life went so swimmingly and they may have suffered some hardship it all works out in the end. It doesn’t. If it did we would have no social problems.

These people think that, those homeless guys, since they are capable of standing there for hours being a “hotspot” they are perfectly capable of working. So why should they be there offering a service I don’t really want and then be asking me for a donation.

To them it is black and white.

2. Those who think helping the homeless should be a formula.

Most of the anger from this camp are people who feel they know better, they know how to deal with the homeless.

If someone is sleeping on the street you get them into emergency shelter, give them a suit, get them a job, get them a place to live. Done.

That is the formula we have for helping the homeless, it’s the quickest, it’s the easiest and if it fails do it again. So when that agency, tried to promote a product and help the homeless at the same time, people freaked.

“You can’t just do that with the homeless that’s exploitation, leave the man to rot in his piss or dumpster dive.” They are not infrastructure!

You need to do it the way we do it now in society. Where we ignore them on the streets, turn up our noses and leave the charities to take care of it. That way WE don’t have to deal with it.

Some of the reactions have been unbelievable, people saying that why don’t we pay them to be footstools then, as if that is the same thing.

If the “homeless hotspots” were sexy young women and they called them “Hottie Hotspots” would anyone be upset?

How is this any different?

And of course the whole idea was scrapped as I expected it would be, before we allowed an idea with problems, and it did have problems to grow, we killed it. We killed it will poisonous words, misplaced conviction and woeful misunderstanding.

I don’t think the idea was perfect but its a lot better than nothing. We go on about being innovative, so why not allow people to be just that.

By Margaret Bellinger

The response from “Sexual Exploitation of Homeless Girls” have helped bring a lot of attention to those who are vulnerable, the more people are aware the more we can do. Since putting up that post, TOPIX.com has deleted that forum post in the hope it will be hidden forever.

Writing to the companies who enable this and expressing our concern, boycotting them or signing petitions these are just some of the ways we can actively do something to help those who have no one to help them.

I wanted to explore further on this issue and see if it really was a trend, and I will give you a warning this is NSFW.

The website In Mala Fide is a horrible site, from the get go. This is on their about page:

In Mala Fide is an online magazine dedicated to publishing heretical and unpopular ideas. Ideas that polite society considers “racist,” “misogynistic,” “homophobic,” “bigoted” or other slurs used to shut down critical thinking and maintain the web of delusions that keep our world broken and dying. We’re here to put their myths to rest by educating and entertaining you with such crimethink nuggets as these:

• Multiculturalism and globalization are shams that are replacing authentic culture and community with lowest-common-denominator consumerism.
• Women don’t want nice guys, they want dominant, assertive men, and you can become one.
• Virtually all major economists, businessmen and scientists are sociopaths and liars.
• Feminism is a hate movement designed to disenfranchise and dehumanize men.
• The traditional left-wing/right-wing political dichotomies (liberalism vs. conservatism, socialism vs. capitalism etc.) are quickly becoming obsolete.

In short, we’re the scary people your parents, friends and college professors warned you about.

 

So, not particularly nice stuff.

On December 7th 2011, Advocatus Diaboli wrote a post titled ” Pooning on a tight budget”

This is what he wrote:

My experience in the 2000-2002 (my early-to-mid 20′s) timespan might be of some use to you. At that time, I was in the process of switching my area of work, and had a job that paid about $2,000/month after taxes. It was a good stable job and I was expected to work only three days a week and it allowed to me enter a new field. At that time I had NO debt or similar obligations. While I did buy some sex from pros, most of my action in that timespan came from semipros.

My budget was: rent (shared house = $350/month), cell phone ($50/month), cable + internet + utilities (included in rent), and public transit ($60/month). I chose to forego a car because paying for insurance, gas, parking, tickets, repairs and the like was just not worth it at that time and I could always rent a car. The house I lived in was near a number of major bus routes allowing me to take public transit to work and major entertainment districts in that city. Moreover, a cab ride from those areas to my home was less than $20.

My food + booze budget was just under $600, giving me almost $900 to spend as I pleased. By that time, I had realized that bar pickups were not my strength as it took me about 4-5 nights out to get one mediocre girl (over $300 per mediocre girl). However, my hit rate with the women I had gone drinking out with had been reasonably good. So I started thinking about ways to recruit more women to go out drinking with. It was then that my thoughts turned to a path which I had previously considered but not yet implemented:

Getting poor, but good-looking, young girls (18-23) to have sex with me in return for some timely financial help.

I should be upfront that getting amateur women to have sex for money can be tricky as most of them believe that they are not whores. Moreover, poor young women often have “boyfriends” and white knight orbiters. So I created a set of filters and rules to screen out the most problematic types.

 

Filter 1: Avoid all girls who have obvious and serious drug and mental health issues or have lived on the street for over 6 weeks at a stretch.

The following categories of girls are acceptable, however.

1.Freshly homeless young girls, especially those who hangout in mixed groups.

The safest ones are those who are into pot, drumming, dreadlocks et cetera. You can find them in many larger cities in the spring and summer. While I would never trust them with any significant amount of money, many are reasonably decent human beings.

Strike up a conversation with them, engage them and see where it leads. But you must make it plainly obvious that you are interested in them sexually, but that all favors require reciprocation. Once you get to know them, a decent round of drinks, snacks, money for pot, a small necessary item of clothing, decent dinner with booze will almost guarantee you a good lay (or at least a couple of BJs).

Your initial financial hit for hanging out with them is very small, and once they are sleeping with you.. it will often work to about $30-60 (cash equivalent or cash) per session. You may also get freebies..

2. Girls who are not homeless, but are just hanging on.

Once again, a group who could use some help. Typically found in smaller retail stores or businesses that pay minimum wage with no tips. Build a rapport and be fairly upfront about your interest, but do not come across as desperate. Go to her workplace and talk to her when you are in that area, but do not stalk her.

Such women often have “boyfriends,” however, they are often just as poor or poorer than her. You can get p***y as long as you are firm about the need for reciprocation. This category of girls might be more willing to give BJs than having ‘real sex.’ But do you really care?

Restrict your help to less than $200 at any one time AND only after she has put out a couple of times.

 

They will play by your rules as long as they are not too dehumanizing, and they are often cheaper than professional whores.

There are not enough words to express how much my heart breaks for this. This is beyond horrible, this is wickedness.

I have not told many people this but throughout my life I have been sexually assaulted various times by different people, and I felt so helpless so used and that no one would believe me.

These girls, have no one. They have already been abandoned by their families, the system that was supposed to help, and now we have men from all walks of life who feel it is their goal in life to be gratified and they actually believe they are helping or doing these women a favour. It’s a sad world we live in.

Note: As the website seems to be still up, I will link to the screen shots on my flickr.

I received an email from Alex a reader of this blog, he told me that he too had been homeless. I hadn’t featured real homeless stories in a while and its a feature that is important to me so when people do share their stories I think it’s important to reveal it. When we show people from all walks of life share their experiences it helps to make it visible. These are people not just “homeless”. Here is Alex’s S story in his own words:

I just got done being homeless for a little over a year, I’m 23 and live in California .Sharing a profound experience like being homeless, I found there are many ways people react to it. But this was my personal story. I am just speaking for myself but I find there is a struggle with who to blame for ones homelessness. I quit my job right before I was getting a raise, with that in mind one could say its very much my fault. On the other hand I wanted to go back to school, both my parents are doctors and had 8 years of school paid for by their parents right out of high school but they think my attitude and actions do not warrant any support. The second thing I would like to share with you is about your keeping yourself anonymous. I really went through something similar. I couldn’t tell any body I was homeless and kept it to myself, I was ashamed. I had a facebook page of about 80 people who were all my friends but only about 4 or 5 people knew I was homeless, I left a post one day telling people I was homeless and just wishing someone would notice and maybe offer me help or think I’m worthy enough for a place to stay or even use their shower as I was living in my car. I got a few responses but I got one from a person I worked with who knew I drove a Toyota and said “should of bought a bigger car yo” and no one said I could stay with them. This was a total shock to me. I always thought once I told people they would be standing in line to help me. Even though I’ve been rejected when I’ve tried to be open and honest like your blog title suggests, I have decided that its not my fault that I was rejected, I will never change how I am ; honest and forthcoming. They say not to lose faith in the genuine good of human beings, but I have. Its due to my new found opinion of people and although I don’t get to indulge in fun things like going to parties and socializing I’ve found a confidence in myself and general distaste for people empowering others and that I’m going to live a much more rich life. I place things like the study of science and making sure I remember people who are in need at the top of my day. Although this is harder work and requires some mental discipline. I’m much more richer and know if my path crosses with someone like myself, Ill be ready to love someone again. Cheers from USA

UPDATE: It seems the forum link has been deleted, its because of the response, but those people including the posters and the website owners know they are responsible… But we still have screenshots, the internet is forever!

I searched google for “homeless girl” to see how my blog was doing rank wise (I know, vain). Scrolling down I noticed a forum page on topix.com called picking up homeless girls. If there was any example of the awful nature of humanity and barrel scraping behaviour it is this forum. It begins with a poster called Wayne’s World who wrote this

There are some homeless girls who hang out around Horton Plaza. Some are young enough to be attractive. Is there a way to pick them up and have fun with them. If they are homeless they need all the help they can get right? I thought I could make contact, tell a girl I want to have fun with her, take her to the hotel, give her a bath, get her cleaned up, and spend the night. If they are really homeless they would like to make contact with a man wouldn’t they? Would a homeless girl who has seen God knows what kind of misery in her life, jump at the chance to hook up with a man? Has anyone ever done this? I don’t want to pay for anything, I just want to have some good fun, and it would be a nice break from her routine of being on the streets wouldn’t it? I would be gentle and kind. I’m sure some of the girls on the streets have been felt up and pinned down by drunks and bums so I think they would welcome the chance to sleep in a nice bed. But they would have to pay the price, and that price is that I get to do whatever I want with them. Would a homeless girl willingly go with a guy like this?

As if that couldn’t get any worse here is what “Arby” said:

What I would do is tell her that I was hiding a sandwich and if she found it then she could east it. Then I would make or buy a sandwich and put it in my pants. She would eventually find the sandwich when it wasn’t in your pockets or anywhere else. When she finds the sandwich in your pants then she will eat it and hopefully she will accidentally touch your genitals! ;

To be honest with you I don’t really know what else to say about this even if it is joking it is disturbing to make jokes like this. I have heard things about sexual trafficking of homeless women, but didn’t really know where to go to research this, and here in plain sight are the people who benefit from this. ; But, the worse comment has to be from a paedophile called quite accurately “oldman” who on January 2012 added this

there r many homeless children in my city. some r very street-smart but many r innocent runaways. im a widower and i like girls 12-14 – or even 15 sometimes. train and bus stations r where i can always find one. they r bit scared when i offer them food and a safe place to stay for a few days. but the temptation is too much for them when i explain the alternative. they take a day or two to stay warm and fed and become comfortable with me and then agree to my persuasion. i dont keep any more than a week or so till my next catch. i send them to a child centre and give them a generous amount of money. we remain friends. and i get a steady stream of young girls. everyone is happy !! ;

Here are screenshots and a link to the website if you can stomach it.Looking at other pages it shows that topix is hardly a place of savoury people

Screenshot 1

ScreenShot 2

ScreenShot 3